Just be yourself and they will love you. How many moms have said that to their little boys and girls?
What they should really say is just be yourself and screw everyone else because people will find ways to hate you no matter what you do. This is true in business and life.
Happiness
You want to be happy. That means you can’t let other people dictate your decision making process.
I’m trying to be more me, but I find it difficult.
I still remember the first day of school during my 7th grade year and a popular student telling me to sit down and stop being so annoying. The pain goes deep. I don’t want to be annoying. I want people to like me.
Conundrum
That’s where the conundrum begins. We can’t be ourselves without annoying people along the way.
It really is a catch 22.
If I’m myself then of course I’m going to annoy some people. Even super cool people are hated because they are just too cool. Steve Jobs almost has as many haters as people who love him.
So I’ve decided that it’s either a win-win or a lose-lose. It’s up to you to decide how to look at it.
As a business owner I don’t want to annoy anyone I want them all to like me. This is impossible. I know this, but still have trouble understanding it.
I know not every coaching client won’t click with my coaching style, but that’s my point. I can’t try to be someone I’m not otherwise they aren’t able to use my superpowers. It becomes a waste of both of our times.
Make a Choice and Run with It
The best option is to make choices that aligns with your values and forget everyone else’s reaction. The haters are going to hate. The lovers are going to love. You can’t stop this.
What you can do is not be afraid of annoying anyone.
It’s better to put yourself out there in a way that makes you happy. So if you like to wear a superpower cape to meetings because it helps you get in the consulting zone then go for it.
Your Turn
What do you think?
Are we raised to conform and not annoy?
Can we break out of these social struggles and live our core values?
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Oh Karl! I love love love this post. How very true. It’s a hard lesson to learn but you have to be true to yourself and forget the naysayers because they’re always going to be there. It’s totally all about living an authentic life that you can be proud of.
GREAT POST!
Hi Chrissy, Thank you! It’s hard to live an authentic life, but it really is the best way to be happy.
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Great post and something I’ve been struggling with in my professional life for a long time. I’m a very… eccentric person. I like to lighten stress by laughing and I like to think outside the box. I also love to learn, so I have a lot of random facts. I’ve also felt like there’s this one mold that is the Professional and I have to do my best to fill it. Which I’ve been less than successful, so recently I’ve just been focusing on being me – and I do enhance the company I work for.
Loved this article and I am going to lobby to wear superhero capes to the next departmental meeting. That would be rad! 😀
Such a great post! I completely believe that you have to make yourself happy above all else – and those who are going to hate should just be ignored!
I appreciate how your posts are provocative and get me inquiring… so thank you!
And so with this one I got thinking about the other part of the equation; respecting,accepting, supporting and encouraging others around you in living their truth. Doing this for yourself will get you far, and then allowing the same for others will get us all far.
Thanks again!
Hi Jennifer, I’ve been in the same boat. Laughing has been so important in my career. When I learned to laugh at myself it became so much easier to connect with others.
Being you is about letting go of what others expect and just doing great work. As long as you are happier and your company is getting great work that’s all that matters.
As for capes. You are right. We need to create a superheroes day at work where everyone wears a cape. That would be awesome.
Karl, this is amazing! You cannot imagine the synchronicity of you writing about this topic. It is something I am “grappling” with myself very deeply at the moment, and hence wrote the post I did last Sunday… “The Price of Social Acceptance….”
Anyway, your second paragraph is very true. What I find, is that whether you are business owner or anyone in the public eye, there will always be someone to disagree with you, etc… And disagreeing with one or not liking one is not necessarily a bad thing. After all we are all entitled to our own opinion. However…. what gets me a little is the people who want to negate or stand in the way or put down, those wanting to help others. This is where being you really takes a toll.
My new mantra will be from now on, if you don’ like what someone is doing (as long as they are not hurting anyone) move on in peace. Let them do what they want to do, and go find something that resonates with you more.
And going back to the idea of being “you” – in reality how can we be us, when “us” is conditioned by society to forget who we truly are.
So back to the catch 22, we need to do some deep inner work first, really get to know what and who we are all about, and most importantly clean out and old hurts, address all past issues, and move into the fullness of our being, where we will walk our path confidently, regardless of what anyone thinks or wants.
Again, great timing!!!
Hi Karl,
I think this is difficult balance. I am someone who tends to adapt to social situations and am a chameleon of sorts. I have been able to get along with most anyone after I get to know them.
At times I guess this means I not fully being myself, but it has served me well in making and keeping friends and acquaintances.
I have a friend who is always “himself” and doesn’t ever temper down his personality. He’s entertaining to be around at the right times, but I also think we must connect with the energy of others around us. He can be overwhelming in certain situations.
There is a time and a place to fully be ourselves, and to conform in order to socially connect with others who may be different.
Thanks for the thought provoking post!
Really interesting post.
One of the hardest things for us to do is to discover who we are when we have had a lifetimes influence by others around us. People telling us how we should think, how we should feel, what we should feel,….. We’re told not to trust people and we become cynical.
I’m now much better at trusting my intuition these days. Most of the time, if it feels right then it is right even when I have to fight against an apparent tide.
Hi Karl — man, this has me think about what a great weight has been lifting off my shoulders recently as I’ve pursued some projects that aren’t likely to make me a lot of money — although who knows, I guess — but are things I’ve really wanted to do again since I was a kid. It feels good and really aligned with who I am to talk about it. Heh, one of them is making a video game.