My job is changing for the positive and negative. Upper management is switching my office to a new location, which means my commute is going to be an extra 2.5 hours each week. That's nothing to dismiss. An extra 10 hours a month in the car. Ouch! They are also broadening the type of work that I do, which is exciting and scary. I'm going to be more accountable for the company's wins and losses.
This spurred on a barrage of venting to my wife, who is understandably tired of hearing me complain about my job. I've always wanted to own my own business, but was never ready. I'm mentally ready, but not monetarily ready. She gave me the tough love that I needed, but wasn't looking for. She told me to either suck it up or find a new job. I didn't want to hear this, not in that moment.
I wanted to hear...
"You are too talented to be stuck at that job for much longer. What you need is to get a little more focused and the world is your oyster. You are a great writer, talented speaker, and your passion is work happiness...you know what you want to do, that's a gift, so dig a little deeper and make it happen. You could try waking up at 5 am and working like a passionate crazy man that I know you are to become the success that I already see. In the mean time why don't you look for another job and work happy and hard at this new opportunity. Honey, it will get better, it always does.
What I Need to Give Myself
The reinforcement that I was hoping to get from my wife should actually have been given to myself from myself. One of my weaknesses is confidence. I know that I'm a talented person, but I'm also afraid of failure. I hate to fail, which makes putting myself out there very difficult.
In this blog I talk about "knowing yourself" and this is a lesson I need to review. I keep falling back into the same habits. When my life changes I get down on myself - mini depression if you will. This used to happen to my father too. He used to get so down that he wouldn't talk to his family for days, at least it felt this way when I was 10 years old. He's a completely different person now. He's harnessed his torture, which has made him stronger. What I learned from his mistakes is not to keep it bottled up inside. So I vent to my family and friends.
My venting is a process that helps me deal with my issues. I get down so I can see life at a new perspective. These new angles help me to see what I really want out of my life.
I admit that this might be difficult on the people in my life. They want me to be happy. They don't want to see me suffer. The thing is I need this suffering to spur change. It's a part of who I am.
I've been working on processing these feelings as quickly as possible so I can get back to being happy and productive. There is no magic fast forward button, so sometimes it takes a few days. Believe me, it's better than a few weeks, which is how long my process used to take.
I'm glad I have a job. I love that I will be trying new things. It may not be the dream career that I always fantasized about, but that's a part of being young and figuring out my next move.
You must believe that you are capable of great things. It's a must for any career. To believe this you have to have a solid foundation that will help you rebuild your career when it becomes shaky. The more that I work on this blog and network with wonderful people like yourself, the more solid my foundation becomes.
I've married an emotionally stable person who is honest with me. I cultivate friendships that support my dreams. I created this blog to add another support to my life. None of these are more important than the belief that I have in myself. You must find ways to cultivate your own self love.
If all you do is complain then you aren't giving yourself the opportunity to see what you capable of changing. If you need to vent, do it and then find options that will pull you in a better direction. I have faith that you can handle these tough times; you have to believe that you have all the tools to make whatever you want to happen, really happen.
You must give yourself the love that is needed to overcome unexpected change.
- Practice Mantras
- Use prayer (asking for strength)
- Go into a mini-depression to find a better understanding of themselves and their options. Other people may call it a concentrated contemplative state, but this negates the sad feelings.
I don't recommend the last one unless you've been dealing with this technique for the last twenty years.
How do you cope with change? How do you encourage self-love to pick yourself up when you are down?
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5 thoughts on “Day 23 of 30 – Change Spurs Complaining”
I'm right there with you on that fear of failure concept. It's scary! And so, it becomes easiest to hold on to what you've got - it feels, at least, safe. Taking risks can be difficult, because we don't know the outcome, and whether we'll succeed or not. Karl, you have every right to vent - your wife, I'm sure, is a great sounding board - and partially because she'll probably tell you stuff you don't necessarily want to hear - but that is still what you need to hear. Does it go against the concept of "no complaining"? Maybe. Maybe not. And note that this is big stuff, not something little - say an inconvenience at the grocery store. This is something that will affect every work day...
Coping with change. I think talking it through with someone you trust is a great start (that's Nikki...). Meditation can also be good - to help calm your soul, and ground you in what is true and right for you. For me, it's also exercise - a good run to clear my head, or hitting the weights - and thinking only about what's on that bar.
I wish you well, Karl, in working through these changes in your life. Try not to let it affect your holidays. Enjoy what this season has to offer, forget about the changes at work, and really embrace the holiday season around you...
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Karl: Your dream is to coach companies to help them create a happier work-environment for their employees? That's interesting. Can you ask for a leave of absence of a couple of months from your current job to see if you can make that take-off?
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Hi Karl. Maybe your wife is tired hearing you complain about your job, but I believe she always support you anytime.
Since I have been reading your blog, I knew that you are a tough person indeed. I also believe you can go through your hard times in the work as well.
Lance is right, just forget it for a moment. Take a vacation, enjoy your holiday.
Arswino's last blog post..Did You Know ?
Hi Lance, I'm getting better at not taking anything too personal. I know my company means well. It may not be the decision that I would make, but that's how the game works.
Hi Arswino, I know my wife supports me. I think she does a better job of it than I do at times.
Hi Marelisa, I haven't really talked about this goal with upper management. I know they know about this blog, but I don't think they understand how passionate I am about helping other companies. I guess I need to have the talk, but I'm not ready.
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