I love my readers. They always have such passion for working happier. One commenter wrote a response to – How You are Silently Signaling Your Co-Workers to Treat You. Check out what this reader is struggling with:
Ever since I was a kid, people have considered me to be “weird.” (Karl’s Note: We are all weird, some of us are just better at hiding it.) I have a very hard time connecting with people. The reality is that I love being alone. I love to write and read–watch birds…stare at the night sky. I have a rich imagination–and can entertain myself with my thoughts alone. I fantasize about moving to a little town where no one knows me, buying a little house, and not having to work…I’m not rich, I’m married, have children, and work with a group of people who ignore and avoid me. I’m pretty invisible. Then when I have to work with my team–it is a nightmare for me. No one listens to me, or they tell me my idea won’t work, then later someone else brings it up…and it is the greatest idea ever! I think I read somewhere that that means you’re the person with the lowest status in the group.
I’ll admit I feel impatient–I tend to see things quickly and clearly, and it is hard to wait while people hash things out…trying to understand. I’m sure with my poor social skills my impatience shows and that I’m not always pleasant to work with.
Anyway–I am in a lot of pain. My boss seems to be giving me fewer and fewer assignments, doesn’t work with me anymore–and I read that this could mean that she’s pushing me out.
Are there people who spend most of their time alone–and lead productive lives? Are there any jobs out there that I could do all by myself?
The pain of what is going on at work is tearing me apart.
Is there a place in this world for me?
My response…
I feel your pain. I’m a shy person at heart. I’m afraid of all kinds of people and situations, but I’ve learned that this is the stuff I need the most. I need to be pushed to be outgoing.
The first thing you need to do is try to make your present situation better. I always thought a change of jobs would help me. The thing is I kept falling back into the same problems.
It seems like you are a good problem solver. Try to find small ways to improve on what you are good at. That means volunteering for work that fits with your strengths. Hopefully your co-workers will respect the quality work that you are doing. If they don’t then you at least know in your own heart that you are doing good work.
While trying to improve your present situation keep looking for a new job. There are a lot of jobs that allow you to work from home, i.e. – virtual assistant, call center, computer programming, etc. The reality is, you can’t be an island. You will still have to interact with people, so building up your social skills will help you wherever you go.
Life is a myriad of puzzles. This puzzle is one that you are just going to have to dive into and find some solutions. I know you can make your working life better. It’s why I started Work Happy Now. I wanted to make my working life more enjoyable.
Remember that it all starts with you. You have to take 100% responsibility for your happiness. No one can make you happy. They can only assist in helping you become happier.
Work relationships are never easy, but just keep trying new tactics and eventually you’ll find solutions that work for you.
Please keep me updated. Everyone deserves to enjoy what they do to earn a living.
We all struggle with our jobs at some point, whether it is a difficult co-worker, a mean boss, or a project that grinds away on our last nerve. We can’t let these problems get to us. We need to find solutions within ourselves so we can still enjoy the process.
No job is perfect, but as long as we take responsibility for our own happiness, we will find ways to extract the joy out of a tough situation.
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Are you a creative person looking for solid productivity techniques then check out Charlie’s blog Productive Flourishing and read away.
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If you enjoyed this article then check these out too:
- When Your Career Sucks, You Can Fix It
- Creating A Project Ritual to Encourage Happiness
- How to Be Happy at Work – Right Now!
Hi Karl: I think that a lot of the time we withdraw when we’re in a situation in which we don’t feel happy or fulfilled. It’s probably worse for people who are naturally shy. I think your reader definitely needs to start looking for a different environment in which he/she can flourish. I completely agree that the first step is to take 100% responsibility for your own happiness.
Changing yourself first is one of the most effective ways to improve any situation.
I think it’s crucial t to be a pleasure to work with in today’s socially-driven world and there’s skills for that. I’ll have a guest post from one of the masters on the subject soon.
Great insight. I completely agree with your response Karl. 😉
It sounds to me like she may need to open up just a bit more. In a team based environment, you have to establish relationships with your coworkers.
If that’s not what you want, then you need to find a job where the team work environment is not required.
Hi Marelisa, I hope that this person looks for a job that is better suited for their personality.
Hi J.D., changing how we perceive a situation is the easiest way to bring emotional relief to our lives.
Hi Marc, we all have to try to improve ourselves and that means socially too. Most of us aren’t born outgoing so we have to work at it. A little personal development goes a long way to encourage ourselves to be happy.
I can empathize with your reader’s comments about the pain of being excluded, having other people take credit for her ideas and feeling as though it seems as though she is being pushed out. This reader may want to try reaching out a little more to her colleagues on a social/interpersonal level at the office and try to become mindful about the impatience. She also sounds like a Highly Sensitive Person and HSPs do tend to be more introverted, more sensitive (not just emotionally but also to sensory input)and actually very astute at reading between the lines and picking up on the vibes, which will make her seem “different” to her colleagues. Individuals who are perceived as “different” from their colleagues often end up being targeted by bullies in the workplace–and some of the behaviours toward her that she described are classic workplace bullying tactics. Unfortunately, bullying runs rampant in many workplaces, but not only do most places not have anti-bullying policies, they condone the behaviours and often end up punishing the target! I would also suggest that she start documenting these incidences and start doing some reading about how to deal with these kinds of situations, (There are some very good books–some available online as e-books–out there which deal with the subject of work-place bullying.) and make sure she has a really strong support network outside of her workplace. If she’s able to do so, working with a counselor who is experienced in working with HSPs and teaching people to bullyproof themselves would probably really help her to learn some good strategies for making the most of her HSP traits, learning some conflict resolution skills and how to bully-proof herself at work. I wish her lots of luck and future success.