So many of us want people to read our minds, like when we want a co-worker to notice how we are feeling. Life doesn’t work that way.
A few months ago I was feeling blue. The world’s sorrows were just sitting on my shoulders, giggling at my struggle.
A number of factors were contributing to my heavy feelings. I wanted more money. I wanted to buy a gadget that I couldn’t afford. I wanted to feel like a million bucks, but my back was killing me.
I hated the fact that I wanted so many things I couldn’t have.
It went against everything I believed. I thought I could just be happy being alive. I shouldn’t need any material possessions to be happy.
Ha!
Now I was laughing at my own thoughts as well as my sorrows. What a tough state to be in.
I felt the depression coming on, like this big thick smoke that wanted to strangle my joy.
Because of all my training, research and awareness I was able to see where I was headed.
If you could help someone avoid a car wreck, would you? Of course. Even the people who annoy you don’t deserve that pain.
It was my choice, so I asked for help.
I began talking to co-workers and friends about similar situations. Everyone has their own story – believe me, go and try it. Just tell people that you’ve been feeling down and ask them if they’ve ever been in a similar situation.
You’ll get some great stories, and hearing all the stories will help you feel like you aren’t alone. Through this camaraderie, you will find help. Each person you ask will be supportive. I never met someone so cold that they didn’t care to lend me their ear, hand or thoughts.
So next time you are feeling down, just ask and watch what happens.
* Join over 300 people who have already subscribed to the FREE Happy at Work 10 Week eCourse. It will arrive in your inbox every Monday morning. When you need it the most. (Sign up is also in the top left corner)
* Evita of Evolving Beings is giving away some gifts to her readers. Check out how to win them on her post, The Big Evolving Beings Christmas Giveaway 2009.
If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like this one too:
Image courtesy of Neurofibromatosis - Reggie Bibbs
Hello Karl!
This is great advice. Doing this can have a dual effect. It can help the person asking as well as the person being asked. The one being asked will most likely feel good that you considered them "worthy" to share personal struggles with and as you said, will more than likely respond in a supportive way.
Another great piece of advice Karl. 🙂
I see your point. And you are right, but I honestly work with people who believe stress is an illusion. They are so "perfect"/ and high on themselves that they put people down who are "weak" in their eyes. Overtime I'm getting over that environment thanks to you and some other avenues to deal with lifes everyday pressures and I try to enjoy each moment including work. I have to laugh when they flex their ego muscles like that and know that everyone has good and bad days and no one completely escapes lifes ups and downs, but I guess its whether or not you can keep it in perspective that will keep you going. When stress is compounded (work, family, demands piling up and overwhelming you) that's when you lose perspective. I've come along way.
Hey Karl,
Asking is one of my favorite ideas. It's so powerful, so apparently simple, but most of us make it too complicated and never truly use it at its full potential. We are afraid to ask, to come off as having needs and to put ourselves first. Which I find it to be pretty sad.
Eduard
Karl,
There is something very comforting in knowing that we are not alone in these moments that can "try" us. Just having others around who can lend an ear, share a story, or offer an encouraging word can make all the difference. The thing is, though, they may never know - if we don't speak up. This is good for me to read, as this is hard for me to do sometimes...
Hi Karl!
Amazingly, when we feel most down is the BEST time to reach out to others! You're so right - everyone has their own story - and after hearing a few, and perhaps trying to give some encouragement to others, we end up, in the end, lifting ourselves up! Great post!
Hi Karl
You brought up such an important topic here - communication! It is so true, we expect sometimes people to know how or why we are a certain way, or what we need, but that is not fair to them or us.
We do need to speak up, and definitely ask for help or advice when we feel like we could use it. This is such an important part of staying even healthy and balanced.
So good for you for being proactive about your own happiness - it motivates all of us to do the same!
And thank you for giving your readers a heads up about the contest giveaway over at Evolving Beings - much appreciated!
The other side effect of asking is that it creates community, shared hardship as well as shared joy bring us closer to those around us.
Hi Keith, Support is so important. We should ask for it in every endeavor in our lives.
Hi VA, I know some people that think stress is an illusion too. It’s funny the stories that we convince ourselves, so we can get through tough times.
Hi Eduard, It’s simple, but so many people forget to use it. Our needs are important and we need to find way to get them met.
Hi Lance, Speaking up takes effort, but the responses that I get are extraordinary. I’m always amazed by how caring and smart people are with their answers.
Hi Suzen, It’s funny how allowing other people to vent and giving a little encouragement will help pick our own spirits up.
Hi Evita, Being proactive about my happiness is the only way I know.
Hi Quinn, Building community with the people in our lives will help us and them. Next time they are having a problem they know they can come to us.
One of the keys to asking effectively is asking the right people. Once I learned to ask better questions and ask the right people, the results are amazing and it snowballs. It's a world of mentors ready to help.